Last week, I came across a video of a poem called Dinosaurs In The Hood by Danez Smith. I’ve never heard of him as a poet before, it was a random night of me browsing Facebook videos after a funny cat video. The video, though, resonated with me on a profound level. Lately I’ve been struggling with how I receive and digest black trauma and black pain, and even my own. This poem recited in this video said more about my feelings towards these uncertain feelings better than I could, or possibly can. It’s taken me well over four months to craft these feelings perfectly, but basically, my trauma and pain is not for sell.
It feels very
writerly of me right for me to have a post about the one thing I somehow have never spoke about: my writing process. I’ve rambled on Twitter a few times once I started releasing my flash fiction, but I know that 140 characters can’t explain this method of madness correctly. While this isn’t so much about the process and just a more key guide on understanding my writing style, it only seems right to include everyone in on this methodical process I call writing. This is a very opinionated piece that’s solely about my writing process, style, and thoughts on writing. These views are very much subject to change as a grow, too. But for now, this is the three novel idea/ projects and two short stories version of myself. What do I know, though? I’ve never been mentioned on Buzzfeed or in a Lenny Letter.
Ignatius Perrish, also known as Ig, is accused of murdering his long time girlfriend Merrin Williams by basically everyone in town. One day, after all the months of fighting for his innocence and being let go as a suspect for the lack of evidence, Ig wakes up with knobby little horns on his head. These horns aren’t a body modification by his own doing but instead the work of a higher (or lower) power. One by one, each person who sees the horns begin to reveal things about themselves. Whether it be a deep dark secret or something they just keep to themselves, he knows even when he doesn’t want to. Soon this “power” leads him to learn who the killer of his girlfriend was – his own best friend. In an act of revenge, and grief, Ig stops looking at the horns as a curse but instead a blessing.
It was 2013 when I gave birth to my daughter. Motherhood, especially when unexpected, comes at you so fast that it catches you up in the rapture. There was so much about that time that was a blur because I didn’t spend a moment of it outside my head, outside of the moment of being a mom. It was a shock to no one that I was hit with post partum depression, but it was a complete shock to me that within nine months, and the one month of the baby being outside of me, I gained 75 pounds.
A few weeks ago I got a new phone. In the midst of transferring data and reinstalling apps, I looked at the Goodreads download screen with my thumb hovering over ‘Install’ for quite a while. Every reader I know has a Goodreads account. Honestly, for the organized types, it’s a true blessing. Imagine a virtual existence of your bookshelf with each shelf as a category. There’s the ones you read, the ones you want to, and the ones you’re currently reading. This doesn’t even include the ones you can create for whatever purpose. It’s extremely handy and useful, except sometimes it’s pretty overwhelming for me.