Last week, I came across a video of a poem called Dinosaurs In The Hood by Danez Smith. I’ve never heard of him as a poet before, it was a random night of me browsing Facebook videos after a funny cat video. The video, though, resonated with me on a profound level. Lately I’ve been struggling with how I receive and digest black trauma and black pain, and even my own. This poem recited in this video said more about my feelings towards these uncertain feelings better than I could, or possibly can. It’s taken me well over four months to craft these feelings perfectly, but basically, my trauma and pain is not for sell.
It feels very
writerly of me right for me to have a post about the one thing I somehow have never spoke about: my writing process. I’ve rambled on Twitter a few times once I started releasing my flash fiction, but I know that 140 characters can’t explain this method of madness correctly. While this isn’t so much about the process and just a more key guide on understanding my writing style, it only seems right to include everyone in on this methodical process I call writing. This is a very opinionated piece that’s solely about my writing process, style, and thoughts on writing. These views are very much subject to change as a grow, too. But for now, this is the three novel idea/ projects and two short stories version of myself. What do I know, though? I’ve never been mentioned on Buzzfeed or in a Lenny Letter.
It’s not been easy for me in the last few years. I refuse to call it writers block because I’m not blocked from anything. If it were a block I’d stare at the page and wonder how do you do the typing and the telling of the story I don’t know yet. I’m doing the typing now so, no, there’s no blockage of any sorts. What I have is a fear; a giant phobia of releasing my creative writings into the world. I don’t know what’s caused this fear of never being good enough, but I’m getting over it, and if you have the same fear as me, you should too.